LOOK LIKE SHIT...

I TOLD THIS GIRL THAT HER EYEBROWS LOOKED LIKE SHIT...APPARENTLY...SHE DID NOT KNOW THAT " LOOK LIKE SHIT "...IS THE NEW WAY TO SAY REALLY COOL .

DEATH...AND SUCH...

WE ALL DIE...SO MAKE SURE YOU GET YOUR DEATH PACKAGE , COMPLETE WITH DEATH HAIR DRYER AND DEATH BOWLING BALL BEFORE ITS TOO LATE .

ORAL SEX...

ORAL SEX GOT ME GAL FRIEND KNOCKED UP...ANY IDEAS ???

SHIT...

YOU MAY HAVE THE BEST RECIPE FOR SHIT IN THE WORLD...IT IS STILL SHIT .

FAVORITE TURD...

DRESS YOUR FAVORITE TURD IN A MINK COAT...IT IS STILL SHIT .

THE AVERAGE PERSON...

you never know what is inside
the average person until you
blow it out of them
kick it out of them
suck it out of them
tickle it out of them
fuck
anything will do except
except
talk it out of them
that will get you nowhere

THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS...

SNOW IS BEST WHEN IT HITS THE GROUND AND IMMEDIATELY DISAPPEARS .

what would jesus do ???

my experience with fundamentalist religion
is quite simple
they control people
manipulate people
judge them
condemn them
and reduce their self esteem
to rat shit 
then
after all that shit
they make a documentary
about how fucking persecuted
they have been
...one question :
what would jesus do ???

LOBSTER CLAWS...

"HOW MANY CLAWS DOES A LOBSTER HAVE "...IS NOT A PERSONAL QUESTION .

ELVIS...

ONCE THE ALIENS GO THROUGH OUR ARCHIVES
AND DISCOVER THAT WE MADE ELVIS  COVER
" OLD MCDONALD HAD A FUCKING FARM "
OH , BOY...THE SHIT WILL REALLY HIT THE FAN THEN
I MEAN , THEY WILL FRY OUR FUCKING DICKS
RIGHT OUT OF OUR HANDS
IT WILL BE FUCKING TERRIBLE
AWFUL , EVEN !!!

HOLLAND THE DYKE...

I WANT MY GIRL TO BE A DYKE...I WILL NAME HER...HOLLAND .

FUCK GRASSHOPPERS...

WHERE EVER HE WENT
HE WOULD STEP ON GRASSHOPPERS
BUT HE FORGOT THE REASON WHY
AND THIS ONLY MADE HIM
MORE PASSIONATE ABOUT
THE WHOLE FUCKING THING
HE EVEN HAD A LINE OF T. SHIRTS
" FUCK GRASSHOPPERS "
IT SAID ON THE FRONT
...BUT IT WASN'T UNTIL
HE DEEMED PRO-GRASSHOPPER PEOPLE
AS HOMOSEXUALS
DID IT REALLY CATCH ON

CAMP FUCK-A-NUC

PICTURE YOURSELF IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE WOODS
WITH RED-EYED DRUNKEN SASQUATCH
WHORNIE  AS A LAMP POST
DROOLING
AND WATCHING YOUR EVERY FUCKING MOVE
READY TO POUNCE
AND RAPE THE SHIT
RIGHT OUT OF YOU

WELL...AT CAMP FUCK-A-NUCK
WE TRY TO MAKE SURE
THAT THIS KIND OF SHIT
DOESN'T EVER HAPPEN
AND...GUESS WHAT ??? 
IT IS AVOIDED 79 % OF THE TIME
 ...CAMP FUCK-A-NUCK
'CAUSE LIFE AIN'T ALL
SHITS AND GIGGLES

ALICE SPRINGS , AUSTRALIA

I GET OFF THE BUS IN ALICE SPRINGS...
SLOWLY MEANDER TO THE BAR...
JUST IN TIME TO WATCH SOME LADY...
BURN A CROSS ON THE VIDEO SHOW...
I WAS NOT SURE WHAT IT MEANT...
EITHER SHE IS VERY RELIGIOUS...
OR VERY ANTI-RELIGIOUS...
MY GUESS...
PROBABLY THE ONE...
THAT PAYS THE MOST...
I HEAR THE CRY OF DINGO'S...
IN THE BACK GROUND...
THEY CHAT ABOUT EATING BABIES  

AYRES ROCK...

SO YOU TRAVEL 15 , 000 MILES...
TO SEE THIS ROCK ...
YOU ASK IT A QUESTION...
IT HAS NO ANSWERS...
IT DOES NOT LOVE YOU...
AND THREE WISHES IS...
DEFINITELY OUT OF THE QUESTION...
SO WHAT DO YOU DO ???
WELL , YOU LIE ABOUT...
THE WHOLE FUCKING THING , OF COURSE...
THAT YOU SAW ELVIS AT THE ROCK...
AND HE TOLD YOU THE MEANING OF LIFE...
YOU KNOW , SHIT LIKE THIS...
JUST TAKE A GUESS...
AT THE MEANING OF LIFE...
IT WILL PROBABLY BE GOOD ENOUGH...
NOT TO BE CONSPICUOUS...
HERE'S ANOTHER IDEA...
TAKE A NAKED PICTURE...
OF A BEAUTIFUL GIRL...
THAT ALWAYS WORKS       

THREE COURSE MEAL...

EVERYDAY WILL SERVE YOU A THREE COURSE MEAL OF WISDOM OR STUPID...THE CHOICE IS  YOUR .

A GOOD PILOT...

A GOOD PILOT
KNOWS HOW TO FLY
INTO A FLOCK OF SWANS
AND NOT MISS A SINGLE BIRD
FUCK , A REALLY GOOD PILOT
WON'T EVEN SPILL A DROP OF RUM
WHILE DOING IT

THEN THERE ARE THE GREAT PILOTS 

ANAL PROBING AND ALIENS...

IF ALIENS WERE REALLY
INTO ANAL PROBING
THEN THEY WOULD NOT HAVE ADVANCED
TO THE POINT WHERE THEY
COULD COME DOWN HERE
AND STICK THEIR GREEN SLIMY HANDS
UP OUR ASSES
NOPE
THEY WOULD HAVE CHECKED OUT
LONG AGO

THE COMPLIMENT STAND

THIS GIRL WAS IN FRONT OF ME...
IN THE COMPLIMENT STAND...
GETTING CREAM AND SUGAR FOR HER COFFEE...
YOU KNOW...
THE USUAL SHIT...
SUDDENLY I REALIZED...
HOW FUCKING LONG SHE WAS TAKING...
SO I LOOKED OVER HER SHOULDER...
AND WHAT DO I SEE ???
SHE IS "TEXTING" HER BUDDIES...
FUCKING TEXTING...
YOU KNOW...
LIKE CHARLIE MANSON...
OR SOMEONE LIKE THAT !!!   

THE POCKET PUSSY...

ONE AVERAGE DATE...
IS ABOUT THE COST OF A POCKET PUSSY...
WHICH MEANS...
IT HAS PAID FOR ITSELF...
ALMOST INSTANTLY...
POCKET PUSSY...
BECAUSE WHORES...
PROFESSIONAL AND OTHERWISE...
ARE TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE

PURDY DEAD...1986

WHEN MAGGIE PURDY DIED...THEY PUT ON THE GRAVE STONE..."PURDY DEAD "....AND WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH .

KILL THE BASTARD...

ONCE THERE WAS A CLERGYMAN WHO WAS NOT INTO THE ABUSE OF SEX , MONEY OR POWER...HE GOT FIRED .

NEWFOUNDLAND SWEATER...

I GOT MY NEWFOUNDLAND SWEATER...THE SAME PLACE I GOT MY NEWFOUNDLAND ASS-HOLE .

LIFE ON MARS...

YOU INSPIRED ME TO GO TO MARS...THAT IS...GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HERE .

COCK-A-DOODLE-DO'S

TRY : "COCK-A-DOODLE-DO'S "...AND MAKE YOUR PENIS...A HAPPY PENIS .