a mouse named rob ford said..."fuck this cheese thing"...

a mouse named rob ford said..."fuck this cheese thing...if i wanted to be put in a box...i would climb up my wife's vagina" .

seeing shit with shit in your eyes...

the more you can't see a fucking thing...the more people seem to be wonderful .

stack'em high

he raped and slaughtered and pissed down the necks of 23, 653 innocent people...just to defend his religion...stackem is back !!!!

bees

bees...by stu strang...oh , bee...so bee-like in the morning dew...what's that you say , bee...mmmmm...well then...FUCK YOU !!!

dear santa...thanks for the dope...

the dope you sent me caused hallucinations...and i saw herds of yeti...got any more ??? 

skanky whore .

this hockey player took # 64...because it rhymed with skanky whore .

first dinosaur to go extinct...

the first dinosaur to go extinct...masturbationasauras rex .

dear santa

you will find that if you abstain from all sexual activity for two days before you make your christmas eve delivery run...you will have a lot more energy .

sincerely

stu

dear santa

if you are so fucking drunk that you see three chimneys...choose the one in the middle .

love and kisses

cardinal stu 

harmonica sluts...

i have a harmonica...it is in the key of..."made in china" .

sex with popes wife...

..so there i is...trying to be a good catholic , eh ??? so i confess to the priest that i has sex with da pope's wife , i did...and the fucker gets right mad at me...like the sex was my idea or something...

santa clause loses his testicals

break and enter specialist , known as "santa clause"...was allegedly attacked by fellow felon ,"rudolf the red nose reindeer"...and had his nuts bitten off...news at eleven .  

bad christmas cards part 1...

you are like one of batman's enemies...except you are fat , stupid and lack creativity .

merry christmas !!!

fuck-ups

the greatest people of every society...have traditionally been seen as fuck-ups...my advice to you...only fuck fuck-ups .

penis envy...

intelligent people measure their age...by how well their penis works .

apology..." sorry you are an ass hole"

best apology ever : "sorry you are an ass hole " .

the one who does nothing wrong...

the one who does nothing wrong...is really in deep shit .

older...

the older i get...the more i forget the names of people who i don't know the names of .

penis head

penis head was not allowed to join the army...because his helmet didn't fit .

sigmond freud

sigmond freud...was a dick

sex and bullshit...

if you are bullshitting when you are having sex with yourself...what is it like when there is another person involved ???

billy's vagina

the boys might have made fun at billy for having a vagina...but that's not all they did to him .

my sermons...

the only time i have ever given myself a 100 %...was in australia...and i was just kidding ...i gave myself a 98 % and the teacher said "take another look"...i came back an hour later and said you are absolutely right...and had changed my score to 100 . 

martha'a vagina

putting ones hand in martha's vagina turned out to be the secret of the universe...but over half the boys in the county were aware of this already .  

10 suggestions...parts edited out of the bible part 5

and god said to moses..." i will give you these 10 commandments to give to my people...but don't take it too seriously...since you're doing all this heavy shit for me...for you , they are only suggestions" . 

ejaculation...

ever since my horse kicked me in the nuts...i've bee able to ejaculate through the ceiling ...and , oh , yes...i blew my wife's hear right off her shoulders .

persecution of church...parts edited out of the bible part 4

and paul said back to jesus..."i'll tell you why i'm persecuting your people...they are the most self-righteous bunch of pricks that i have ever met in my life" ...and jesus nodded .

parts edited out of the bible part 3

and farrow said to moses..."i see your locusts...and raise you a herd of retarded turtles" .  

my cock is soar...

and i quote : "my cock is soar"...warren zevon 

the masturbating goalie

i used to be an n  h .l. goalie...but they kept scoring on me while i was masturbating...so i got fired .

smoking weed...

for everything you don't want...an angel smokes a gram of weed .

santa fucks up...

SANTA...caught in bed with two prostitutes...painting graffiti on their asses...or something like that...news at 11 .

fuck , centipedes...

if you had told me that there were 80 feet long centipedes with enough venom to wipe out the entire easter parade ...then maybe i would have reconsidered going down the fucking tunnel .    

parts edited out of the bible part 2...moses smoking dope ???

and moses said on to the people..." listen , dudes...i could part this fucking sea so much easier...if someone could just roll me a dooby  " .

parts edited out of the bible part 1...blood thirsty savages

no , no , no...i did not give you my blood so you can be a bunch of blood thirsty savages !!! it is not like that at all .

1492

in 1492...columbus got a blow job...or something like that anyway .

bears

there are two types of bears...house bears and outside bears .

sasquatch and sexuality...

if you ever get eaten by a sasquatch...what does that say about your sexuality ???

car engines...

according to "horror movies"...87.5 % of all engine starters...are faulty .

the second coming...

jesus is coming back...but only those with wheaten terriers will be raptured . 

all brains must go...

clearance sale...humanity...all brains must go !!!