REAL ART...

A FRIEND OF MINE GOT A TATTOO OF AN OWL...I TOLD HIM HE SHOULD HAVE PLACED HIS PENIS WHERE THE OWLS NOSE WAS...YOU KNOW...REAL ART .

APRIL 1978 , SPRING GARDEN ROAD .

MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND HAD HAIR ON HER NIPPLES...I CUT THEM OFF WITH MY TEETH AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE A THING .

THE LOAD

IT IS NOT THE LOAD THAT WILL BRING YOU DOWN...BUT IT'S THE LOAD THAT WILL BRING YOU DOWN .

LIVING IN TREES...

THE THING ABOUT LIVING IN TREES...IS THAT YOU MIGHT ACCIDENTALLY SHIT ON SOMEONE'S HEAD .

MACCA WACCA...

MACCA ENHANCES SEXUAL PERFORMANCE OF ALL TYPES...THAT IS WHY WE REFER TO IT AS...MACCA WACCA...(MACCA INTERCOURSE...REALLY DOESN'T HAVE A RING TO IT) .

APATHY...JAN . 14 2012

HERE IS A BIBLE VERSE FOR YA..."PUT YOUR KNIFE TO YOUR THROAT IF YOU GIVE INTO GLUTTONY"...HOW DOES THE CATHOLIC "SUICIDES GO TO HELL" FIT INTO THIS ONE ???

IT DON'T...NOT ONE FUCKING BIT...AND NOBODY CARES...THEY JUST IGNORE IT AND FLOG THE FORNICATORS WITH SHIT ON A STICK .

POINT...IT IS A LAZY WORLD .

THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER...

THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER...TOO BAD I GOT MY DICK STUCK IN IT .

FUNNY BANANA MONKEY...

IT IS A FUNNY BANANA MONKEY LAZY KIND OF DAY .

BEWARE...OF THE SCARLET WHORE...

BEWARE OF THE SCARLET WHORE...SHE HAS SHARP TEETH .

DAVID AND GOLIATH...

DAVID ACTUALLY HAD A SHIT IN GOLIATH'S HELMET WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING...AND WHEN HE AWOKE...HE WENT COMPLETELY CRACKERS AND BEGAN TO HUNT DAVID WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND A HERD OF ANGRY , ZOMBIE PROSTITUTES .

...AND YOU THOUGHT HISTORY WAS BORING .

DETROIT CITY...

I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I LIKE MOST ABOUT DETROIT...THE FUCKING AIRPORT...NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE !!!

THE SPIDER AND THE FLY...

"THAT FUCKING RABBIT MIGHT BITE YOU "...SAID THE SPIDER TO THE FLY .

YOU KNOW , IF WE HAD BABIES...THEY WOULD BE REALLY CUTE .

GOV'T AND BIGFOOT...

HOW COULD THE GOVERNMENT COVER UP BIGFOOT ??? HAVE YOU SEEN HIS COCK ???

THE QUEENS BIRTHDAY ???

HAPPY...WHATEVER IN THE FUCK THEY CALL IT...DAY .

INVADING ALIENS...

TO INVADING ALIENS...FUCK YOU AND THE ROCKET SQUIRREL YOU ROAD IN ON .

THE DI-DI BIRD...

THE DI DI BIRD WAS SINGING IN THE MIST...AND MY ROBIN GOT A HARD-ON .

AN ODE TO A BEAVER...

BEAVERS ARE NOT MADE OUT OF WOOD...BUT I UNDERSTAND THE CONFUSION .

THE SHAMPOO BOTTLE...

I WAS 10 YEARS OLD...I PEED IN MY FRIENDS SHAMPOO BOTTLE...HIS FATHER WENT BALD...WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH .

BEST THING ABOUT CHURCH...

THE BEST THING ABOUT CHURCH IS GOING UP TO PEOPLE AND SAYING..."GOD TOLD ME I AM GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE " .

THE FLOWERS

...THEY SENT ME THESE FLOWERS...MOST...NOT EVEN POISONOUS .

...MAY I PRESENT TO YOU...THE CAUSE OF EVERY FUCKING WAR...

GROUNDHOG...

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE GROUNDHOG INFESTATION...THOSE FURRY LITTLE FREAKS CAN GO SUCK EGGS .

ODE TO A KANGAROO...

IF YOU WANT TO SCREW A KANGAROO...YOU BETTER HOP TO IT .

DRINKING...

THE ONE THING EASIER THAN QUITTING DRINKING...WAS STARTING UP AGAIN .

SPECIES NAMED...

HOW MANY SPECIES WERE NAMED BY IDIOTS ???

HORSE TRANQUILIZER...

MY FAVORITE HORSE TRANQUILIZER...CHERRY .

WISDOM LITERATURE...

THERE I WAS IN A TREE...PISSING ON A SASQUATCH THAT WAS SLEEPING RIGHT BELOW ME...READING MY BOOK ON WISDOM LITERATURE .

BE SUPER HONEST...

BE SUPER HONEST...OR...SPLONTIST .

KIDS VISITING GRANDPA...

GO GET GRANDPA HIS HEROIN...AND GRANDPA WILL TELL YOU ANY SHIT-ASS THING YOU WAN TO HEAR .

ERECTION GODS...

MAY THE ERECTION GODS SMILE UPON YOU !!!

LIFE IS LIKE...

LIFE IS LIKE A MOUSE TRAP...WITH NO MICE...AND THE TRAP DOESN'T WORK .