wonderful wacky world

there is a  wonderful , wacky , wild world out there...and it is just waiting to beat the fuck out of me...(or fwuck...whatever you prefer.)

frozen food

as the world continues to fall apart...frozen food continues to get better and better...which , of course , means...that the day frozen food reaches its perfection...will be armageddon .

the police did not like...

the police did not like my headlight being out...and the dismembered mayor in the back seat didn't help either .

tuna would taist...

tuna would taste a lot better...if my teeth were sharp enough to bite through the can .

good leadership

so i tell this clergyman that good leadership  means being a servant to your congregation...he couldn't stop laughing .

greek tragedies

i don't know why greek tragedies are considered sad...i never got hurt in any of them .

my age...

it just occurred to me...i am older now than i have ever been before .

barky

a friend of mine named his dog barky...not sure why though .

a hero...

a hero is a coward...too stupid to escape .

alien invasion

the beautiful thing about an alien invasion...is that they can't fuck things up any more than they are  .

pregnant wife..

i was suspicious when my wife got pregnant...you know...me having no nuts and all...but when she gave birth to a moose...well...that was just too much .

the face of jesus

apparently...a few years ago...the face of jesus was seen on the wall of a tim horton's donut shop...as a result...the customers who liked glazed donuts...began to slaughter the customers who liked chocolate dipped .

the prostitute

it didn't bother me that you were a prostitute...what bothered me was that it was your best quality .

fruit bats

since there are fruit bats...there should be lesbian bats as well .