end of the world

there is just one thing i want to do before the end of the world...move to another planet .

goblins

goblins do not exist...i know this because the trolls told me .

ant eaters

ant eaters have the best oral sex .

never compromise...

never compromise...unless there is something in it for you .

the human race...

the human race is the only know species in the universe that can stick its nose so far up in the air...that it ends up up their ass .

oral sex

oral sex is what healed our relationship...roughly translated...she couldn't talk with my dick in her mouth .

delusions

are you getting better and better every day ??? or just more detached from reality ???

in a recent study...

i  a recent study...people seem to enjoy sex more...if they have to lie to get it .

once upon a time...

once upon a time a man said to a crowd that people were basically violent...he was promptly murdered .

a rose...

a rose by any other name...can still eat you alive if it is from the planet...extromina 7-b...about 500 , 000 light years away .

a hero...

a hero is a coward...too stupid to escape .

cannibals

i wonder if cannibals prefer white or red wine with there human flesh .

tuna

i'm sure tuna would taste a lot better...if i could bite through the fucking can .

bin ladin

every christmas eve...i waited with a loaded rifle by the fire place...for bin ladin to come down my chimney so i could blow the shit out of him...and now...christmas will never be the same . 

girls

when you say you dated tonnes and tonnes of girls...you mean that one big fat one , right ???

pirates

i wonder if when pirates bury treasure...they are actually burying their hidden sexual neurosis .

pig fucker

it doesn't matter what you accomplish in life...once you fuck a pig...you are...in the eyes of just about all...a pig fucker and nothing else .

lying...

there is no good reason to lie...besides you don't want someone to know the truth .

maca is a plant found in peru...it contains sexual propertires...

DON'T MASTURBATE !!! MACABATE!!! get your MACAWACCA TODAY !!!

santa's elves

there is a time of life when you believe in santa's elves...there is a time in life when you do not believe in santa's elves...then there is that one overlap year...when you think they are watching you masturbate .

roosters...

roosters should never say..."cock-a-doodle-do"...penis a-doodle-do...is much more polite .

if...

if jesus worked for a church...he would be fired .

the path of enlightenment

the path of enlightenment needs...more horny women .

national geographic

i watched this national geographic special concerning mating rituals...then i glued feathers all over my body and ran around my girlfriend squawking as laud as i could...it had limited success .