measure your ejaculation...

measure your ejaculation by your smile and not the distance .

...bad days ahead for the yeti man...

if i were bigfoot...i would build a flying saucer and get the fuck out of here...you know , for obvious reasons .

IRONY...and a bear...

the irony is...from a certain perspective...if you fuck a bear...you will be a hero .

the simpsons

so the politician got in front of everyone
and gave this fucking speech
about a better tomorrow
and all this shit
...then came the question and answer
portion of the program
...this fellow says
and i quote :
"seriously
what would you rather be doing
speaking to us
or sitting at home
watching " the simpson's" ???
he scratched his ass
got out of his chair 
and walked out the door

...a bunch of kids...

this bunch of kids
were wearing pink shirts that read
" don't bully , be nice "
or something like that
anyway
it was all very sweet
until they took out their brass knuckles
their clubs
and other such stuff
and began to beat the shit
out of this little el-bino  fellow
probably gay and with a lisp
i would have helped
but my viagra was kicking in  

do the math...

if you have eleven..and you spend 13...you are two in shit...simple !!!

there was this cafe...

there was this cafe
across the street from where i lived
they would give me free breakfast at this cafe
thing is
i would have to adide by their dress coad
which was
pretty simple to abide by actually
a bath robe and a pair of slippers
that is it
no more
no less
and the breakfast was great

the lock ness monster...

And the boy declared 
"There is no fucking loch ness monster
and even if there is
i bet you he is 
a fag"

completely unaware
that just a few feet behind him
gazed two angry eyes .

welcome...

welcome to planet earth
we judge way too fast
and will fuck you up for no particular reason
but you will love
our pizza
and our
outdoor sports facilities