faliure...

failure teaches you how to fail .

hockey commentator

why would i like to be a hockey commentator ??? just so i can say..."he shoots...he hits the fucking goal post ." 

cuba

cuba is one of the few places in the world where you can show up at the local bar with a glass of rum in your hands...and nobody will think it to be weird .

shitting on people

it is easy to shit on people...unless they are hanging from the ceiling .

floating on a fart

it is hard to stand your ground...when you are floating on a fart .

signing autographs for elton john

one goose says to the other..."what do you do for a living???" he replies..."i am a plumber and i also sign autographs for elton john." 

smile...

SMILE !!! if someone has a gun to your head...and will shoot you if you don't .

the "big bang"

the "big bang" theory goes on to state...that mrs. god...could not walk for a week .

extrapulate

anyone who would crop their dogs tail...would also crop your heart .

my mother...

my mother told me that she hates bad news...so i never told her i was dying...i figured she would figure it out soon enough anyway .

did you...

did you ever think about how you don't think about anything ???

i love snickers bars

what is the best way to get a free snickers bar ??? catch someone fucking around on their wife .

cock sucker

if your last name is sucker...don't name your kid cock .

opinion

remember , before you give someone your opinion...they were pretty fucking happy with their own long before you got there .

world champ

if i ever become the world champion...i would like to be the world champion of the world .

fuck

Fundamentalist
Universal
Christian
Kingdom

...JOIN F.U.C.K. CHURCH  

the best wrestler

this wrestler had it written on his trunks..."the best (wrestler) in the world"...then...one match...he lost...so he took off his pants and put them over the other guy's head...truly , he was the best...but at what cost ???

the lecture

of all the university lectures i have had in my life...the one that i remember...is the fellow who lectured on the new age movement...and why will i never forget this  , you ask...simple...the fucker didn't have a clue of what he was talking about... stunning , it was !!!

the greater the bullshitter

the greater the bullshitter...the greater ones position in social circles .

if you were a tree

if you were a tree...would you be an orange tree...or a shit tree ???

hanging nuts

some day...when we are all the same color , race , etc...the people with a lower left nut...will persecute those with a lower right nut

pro wrestling

from what i understand about professional wrestling...your cock is the intercontinental champion .

spinosauras

spinosauras was bigger and more powerful than t. rex...thing is...his public relationship team was fucking awful .

stay thin

you must work your ass off to stay thin .

shit eater

it doesn't matter how wonderful you are...if your name is "shit eater"...you are fucked . 

tribulus

just in case you are wondering...tribulus fucks up sheep .

reveal

nothing reveals you to be who you really are...like having your intestines ripped out and spilled all over the place.

rock show

flying rats to put on invisible , silent rock show in atlanta...500 $ per ticket .

throwing up

throwing up can be fun...but throwing down is even better . 

sex in bible college

when i went to bible college...people got kicked out for having sex...they must have not been good at it .

ass hole

sometimes i wonder...is there more to life than just being an ass hole ???

monkeys

are monkeys sexually perverse...or are we just projecting our shit on them ???

the missing link

armpit hair...what separates us from apes .

throwing up

you throw up...you throw down...then you just look at it .

the best in people

nothing brings out the best in people...like having their intestines pulled out .

cannibals and wine

are you aware that cannibals that prefer red wine...despise cannibals that prefer white ???

i hang out with shit turds...

i hang out with shit turds...it helps my self esteem .

badminton

i played badminton with god once...i beat him and my life has been shit ever since .

Flying Rats

"flying rats" back in studio to record rock opera on...rocks...while smoking rock...guest singer..."the rock"...however...they have completely denied there is a theme of any sort to the record . 

a blackbird...

an ostrich can't eat pizza unless his head is up his ass .

flying rats

"flying rats" say that the three people trampled to death in recent concert...are , coincidentally...the only three girls the drummer ever had sex with in his life .