THE NEWLY REVISED EDITION OF THE BIBLE

"NOT ONLY IS YOUR FLOOR MADE OUT OF SAND...BUT YOUR CEILING IS MADE OUT OF SHIT "...JESUS SAID TO THE PENCIL-DICKS .

CONFUSION

PEOPLE SEEM CONFUSED ABOUT THEIR CONFUSION .

DRAGON FLIES...

SHOWS YOU WHAT I KNOW ABOUT 55 FOOT DRAGON FLIES .

...PASS THE MUSTARD...

OF COURSE YOUR MOTHER IS A BITCH...NOW PASS THE MUSTARD .

THE OLD DAYS...

ACROSS FROM THIS COFFEE SHOP...( WHERE I AM WRITING )...THERE IS A HAIR SOLON...IN MY TEENS...I PLAYED PINBALL THERE...HOW I WAITED FOR  THE ELDERLY LADIES TO HAVE THEIR TIT HAIR TRIMMED .

JOHNNY CACKS...

appearing tomorrow night...JOHNNY CACKS AND THE SUCKERS .

haircut...

what do you mean...what am i going to do about it...the same thing i do to everyone who has a haircut i don't like...NOT A FUCKING THING .

FROGS...

GETTING YOUR PENIS SUCKED BY YOUR GIRLFRIEND...IS THE SAME AS 5 EXPLODING FROGS .

SCREWING...

MOST GUYS I KNOW WOULD FORGET THEIR HEAD IF IT WEREN'T SCREWED ON...AND THEY WOULD FORGET THEIR WIVES IF THEY COULDN'T SCREW THEM ON TOO .

IN THE FOOD COURT...

BRISBANE , AUSTRALIA...THIS FELLOW WAS EATING AT A FOOD COURT...HE SEEMED TO BE IGNORING HIS DESSERT...I ASKED HIM FOR IT...HE GAVE IT TO ME...IT WAS DELICIOUS .

CALLING ALL SCIENTISTS...

A TURD IS LIKE A SOLAR SYSTEM...AND A SHIT IS LIKE A GALAXY...RIGHT ??? ( IF YOU ARE A SCIENTIST...PLEASE WRITE ME AND LET ME KNOW ) .

GOD'S HARD-ON .

MAYBE THE UNIVERSE IS GOD'S HARD-ON .

THE LINE...

WHERE IS THIS FUCKING LINE ??? AND HOW DO WE GO ABOUT IGNORING IT ???

COWS...

NEW BREED OF COWS...BLACK...WHITE...THEN COMPLETELY BLACK AGAIN .

SASQUATCH DEBATE...

I WONDER IF SASQUATCH DEBATE THE EXISTENCE OF PEOPLE ???

OCTO...

ANYONE WHO NAMES THEIR PET OCTOPUS...OCTO...IS A DICK .

ITALIAN MASTIFF

HOLY SHIT...HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF AN ITALIAN MASTIFF ??? IT'S LIKE A PIT BULL ON STEROIDS .

GRACE ,TOO...JANUARY 9 - 11 1996

MERCY IS WHAT WE TALK ABOUT...AS WE WATCH THE SHITHAWK SOAR THROUGH THE MIDNIGHT SKY.

ORGASM PER DAY

THIS FELLOW THOUGHT IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE AN ORGASM EVERY DAY...SO HE INVENTED A MACHINE TO SKIP HALF THE DAYS OF HIS LIFE...IT WORKED...BUT HE DIED AT AGE 34 .

THE HARD WAY...

THERE IS A LITTLE GIRL IN FRONT OF ME...SHE HAS A SHITTY HAIRCUT...I WILL SAY NOTHING...I LEARNED THAT ONE THE HARD WAY .

GROWING OLD...

GROWING OLD...EVERYTHING SAGS BUT YOUR DICK .

ODE TO A HAM...

every ham needs a PIG...and every dog needs a SWEATER .

FAVORITE WORD...

MY FAVORITE WORD IS FUCT...AS IN...GO FUCT YOURSELF .

SCIENCE AND POCKET PUSSY

EVERY TIME I LOOK AT MY STATE OF THE ART , SPACE RUBBER POCKET PUSSY...I THANK GOD FOR SCIENCE .

FUCK OFF

why don't you just tell  everyone to FUCK OFF ??? someone's gotta listen .