PISSING IN THE GARDEN

...SO YOUR NEIGHBOR THINKS YOU ARE A BAD PERSON...JUST BECAUSE YOU PISSED IN THE GARDEN .

PENIS SIZE

THE GREATER THE NEED TO TAKE OVER THE GOVERNMENT...THE SMALLER THE PENIS .

WHO WOULD WIN ???

WHO WOULD WIN...JESUS OR GODZILLA ???

A CAT-AS-TROPHY

MY COUGAR ESCAPED AND WENT INTO THE LOCAL SHOPPING MALL AND ATE 14 PEOPLE...THE NEWSPAPER SAID..."IT WAS A CAT-AS-TROPHY " .

COLUMBUS

THE FIRST THING THAT COLUMBUS DID WHEN HE REACHED NORTH AMERICA...WAS TO DECLARE HOMOSEXUALITY...HETEROSEXUAL...THEN HE SCREWED EVERYONE...INCLUDING BIGFOOT .

COLUMBUS THE FAKER

THE FIRST THING COLUMBUS DID WHEN HE CAME TO AMERICA...FAKE A SASQUATCH SIGHTING .

MAN FROM ATLANTIS

IF I WERE THE MAN FROM ATLANTIS...I WOULD DROWN...BECAUSE I CAN'T SWIM .

MOVING TO AUSTRALIA

...GO TO THE LOCAL MALL AND DISTRIBUTE SWEATERS TO THOSE WHO SHOWED THE MOST APPRECIATION FOR ANY PARTICULAR ONE...BASICALLY...GIRLS WHO WORKED IN COFFEE SHOPS  .

THE LAST SUPPER

IF YOU READ THE GREEK...AT THE LAST SUPPER...THEY HAD A BUCKET OF CHICKEN .

13 MONTH CALENDERS

i like calenders with a BONUS MONTH...they give me a hard-on .

APRIL 1978

MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND SAID I COULD GOOSE HER...SO I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A GOOSE...NEXT TIME I DUCKED HER .

GRANDMA'S VAGINA

THE QUESTION IS NOT..."WHAT DOES YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S VAGINA LOOK LIKE ???"...THE QUESTION IS..."HOW DO YOU KNOW ??? "

CHICKENING OUT

CHICKENING OUT...THE NEW COURAGE !!!

MOTHER SEX

I AM GLAD MY MOTHER ISN'T YOUR MOTHER...BECAUSE I HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER .

DREAMS

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT DREAMS...IS THAT I CAN DRIVE REALLY FUCKING DRUNK .

COMING THIS SUMMER...

coming this summer...JOHNNY CAPITALIST AND THE PIGS !!!

MACA...KING OF FERTILITY

MACA IS GREAT FOR SEXUAL ENHANCEMENT...NICKNAMES...MACA-BATION...AND...MACA WACKA !!!OH , YES...AND MACA-CATION MACING-OFF... : )

YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A SARGENT...AT LEAST...

THIS FELLOW ASKED ME IF I HAD EVER SHAVED MY PRIVATES...I RESPONDED..." FUCK ,NO...I WAS NEVER EVEN IN THE ARMED FORCES" .

DESERT ISLAND

IF I WERE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND AND COULD ONLY HAVE ONE BOOK TO READ...IT WOULD BE..."HOW TO GET OFF A FUCKING DESERT ISLAND " .

BANANA THEOLOGY

THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF MONKEYS IN THIS WORLD...THE KIND WHO GOOSE THEMSELVES WITH THEIR BANANAS AND THE KIND WHO DO BUT LIE ABOUT IT .

ORAL SEX...AND BATS

THE BATS DISCOVERED ORAL SEX...NOW THERE ARE NO BATS...THEY SUCKED EACH OTHER TO EXTINCTION .

FUCK-EYES RETURNS

coming soon...THE RETURN OF A HORSE NAMED FUCK-EYES .

MY KID...

IF MY KID LOOKS LIKE A PIG...THEN HOW COME HE DOESN'T SAY "OINK " ???

FUCK-EYES...

coming soon to a theater near you...A HORSE NAMED FUCK-EYES .

SHIT...

DON'T TAPE YOUR LIFE TOGETHER WITH SHIT .

THE HOCKEY PLAYER

THEY INTERVIEWED THE STAR HOCKEY PLAYER AT THE END OF THE GAME...ALL HE COULD SAY WAS..." I AM GOD " .

CHURCH BROWNIES

I LEFT THE CHURCH OVER THE BROWNIES...I REPLACED THEM WITH SHIT AND TOOK THEM HOME .

"WHY" , YOU ASK ???

"THEY WERE GOOD"...THAT'S WHY !!!