THE COFFEE SHOP...

THERE IS ONE PERSON IN THIS COFFEE SHOP...AND HE IS SITTING IN MY FUCKING SEAT .

COOKIE JAR

SOMEBODY BOUGHT ME A COOKIE JAR...WHICH MEANS I CANNOT GIVE YOU COOKIES ANYMORE...THEY ARE ALL MINE...FOR MY JAR .

SASQUATCH

SOMEWHERE IN THE MOUNTAINS...THERE ARE FOUR OR FIVE SASQUATCH...DEBATING WEATHER OR NOT HUMANS EXIST .

12

I LEARNED TO COUNT TO 12...BECAUSE MY SISTER HAD 12 PERIODS  A YEAR .

ASSHOLES FOR EARS...

my new book...a commentary on this generation...i am calling it...ASSHOLES FOR EARS .

WHITE AND MILK...

SHITTY ATTITUDES TO LIFE...ARE WHAT WHITE IS TO MILK .

TOILET...

NEVER MARRY ANYONE WHO THINKS IT'S FUNNY TO PUSH OVER A PORTABLE TOILET .

ENJOYING MASTURBATION MORE THAN SEX...COMES IN HANDY .

THE MAGIC BULLET

I ONCE SHOT A CHICKEN...BLEW ALL ITS FEATHERS OFF...AND IT REMAINED ALIVE .

T.V.

IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE THIS STUPID SHIT THAT GOD IS MAKING ME WATCH ON T.V...GEE WIZZ .

IDIOTS...

MAYBE WE SHOULD INBREED UNTIL WE ALL BECOME IDIOTS...THEN WE CAN LIVE IN PEACE AGAIN .

BLOW OUT SALE...

A BLOW OUT SALE IS ONLY A BLOW OUT SALE...IF THEY HAVE THE SHIT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR .

THE FLOOD...

INSTEAD OF A PLAGUE OR  A FLOOD...WHY DOESN'T MOTHER NATURE JUST LOWER OUR SPERM COUNT ???

BRAIN TUMORS...

BRAIN TUMORS SHOULD MAKE US HAPPY...AND GIVE US GREAT ORGASMS .

ICE CREAM

SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW...SOMEONE IS SCREWING A BUCKET OF BUTTERSCOTCH RIPPLE ICE CREAM .

BRAIN TUMORS...

WHY CAN'T BRAIN TUMORS MAKE US HAPPY ???

SHIT KICKING...

NOTHING LIKE A GOOD OLD FASHION SHIT KICKING TO GET THE BALLS ROLLING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION .

TWO SEXUAL PROFILES...

THERE ARE TWO SEXUAL PROFILES...LEGAL AND ILLEGAL .

LET'S GET...

LET'S GET THE GAY THING STRAIGHT .

THINKING...

THINKING FOR YOURSELF IS LIKE SCREWING YOUR GIRLFRIEND...IF YOU DON'T DO IT ...SOMEONE ELSE WILL .

YETI OR NOT

what does a sasquatch say when he is playing hide and seek ??? YETI OR NOT...I'M COMING .

TESTICLES...

TESTICLES...ARE LIKE PRIZE FIGHTERS...THEY GET LICKED .

THE PHONE

MY PHONE IS BROKEN...EVERY TIME I ANSWER IT...THERE IS AN IDIOT ON THE OTHER END .

THE CLOSET .

BEFORE YOU COME OUT OF THE CLOSET...REMEMBER WHY YOU WERE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE .

THE TRUTH

ON YOUR WAY TO FINDING THE TRUTH...HOW MANY LIES DID YOU TELL ???