confucius says..."buy all your underwear...either brown or yellow" .

slug hard on

how does a slug get a hard-on ???

not getting caught...

the best way not to get caught...is to not fuck around .   

the obituaries

according to the obituaries...no ass hole has ever died .

slug deodorant...

my slug deodorant company has gone tits up .

lifs is...

life is what is being shoved up your ass...while you are busy planning your hostile takeover .

never haunt me...

never haunt me from your grave before you die .

a bad idea...

a bad idea is just a good idea...gone to shit .

haunting...

so you are haunting me from your grave...thing is...you ain't even dead yet !!!

the worship leader

what do you mean , you won't let me see your tits ??? why do you think i made you the worship leader , anyway ???

my muskrat...

what i need is a muskrat to take the family pictures .

the lack of...

the lack of cannibalism is explained by the lack of hungry people .

coming soon...

"rimity-rim-rim and the blonde pecker sparrow"...coming soon to a theater near you

my cat...

i named my cat judge judy...just because it was really fucking self righteous and wouldn't shut up .

never...

never raise an asshole from the dead .

whatever you do...

whatever you do...don't judge those fucking idiots !!! ( evil shits they are ).

wobbly wooks

why buy wobbly wooks ??? 'cause wobbly wooks are wonderful !!!

slug freaking out

i think my slug is freaking out .

love is...

love is a plague...that a bunch of idiots found the antidote for .

stupid-head

before you get upset that my chicken tastes like shit...consider how long it took to get the bone inside the turd...stupid-head !!!

satanic bible...

hey , lady...you dropped your satanic bible .

in the summer time

in the summer time , every player in the N.H.L ...is equal .

slug football

i invested all my money into slug football ..did you know that no quarterback has ever had a shoulder injury in the history of slug football ???

dead people...

if i were a country...i would enter dead people into the olympics...you know...for a laugh .

sex

sex is for the hard hearted...the emotional take it too personally .

getting to heaven...

and jesus said..."there are two ways to get to heaven...be born again...or win the town hog calling contest" .

the pug...

i was walking down the street and i saw a pug...settled...jesus wants me to have a pug .

take away...

take away all the control and manipulation from sex...and all you have left is a dead poodle on the side of the road .

fucking up...

we spend the first half of our lives fucking things up...and the second half practicing it .

my favorite sound...

my favorite sound is the sound of my answering machine , saying..."you got no fucking messages" .

three lives...

We live three lives...the one that we learn from...the one that results from the one we learn from...and the one we spend humping the postman's leg .

the best shows...

the best shows are audience participation...but without an audience .