new group...

i've formed a new group...i call it..."justin and the beavers " .

my wolverine...

i think my wolverine needs more love and affection...or something like that .

if an octopus...

if an octopus only has 7 legs...he needs no prophet...the future already is written .

from my first book in 1993

it does not matter if you believe in the loch ness monster...what matters is that he believes in himself .

life is fixed...

life is fixed...people are broken...and the dog has his tail between his legs .

masturbation video

this guy crapped all over my masturbation video...said he liked having sex with his wife...i calmed him down...said..."yea , i like having sex with your wife too" .

a maniac...

a maniac is just someone who loves god more that you .

reward...

me gest wyn a reward...far best spelin and gramer on da playnet .

become one with the universe...

become one with the universe...just not this one .

make yourself...

make yourself look better...ruin the reputation of all your hero's .

unconditional love

i believe in unconditional luv...but only under certain conditions .

the monkey in the airport

the monkey that kid had in the airport...looks delicious .

love is...

love is the wine...i frequently shove in my wrong hole .

rat on a stick

you heard it by now..."rat on a stick"...apparently...was grinding up rat shit for their "ratnuggets"...what is this world coming to ???

recycling

the cat does not want me to recycle...it says it means you are sexually insecure .

my cat...

my cat scared away the only girl i ever loved .

oh , that antler...

antler mchoof...first openly gay album..."it's raining yeti"...just send me your fucking money !!!

my cat...

my cat thinks i am a homosexual .

my cat...

my cat thinks i am a failure .

inside joke

maybe life is an inside joke...with no one on the inside .

pretending...

what bothered me about church...pretending that i never had to have a shit .

the reverend...

maybe the reverend would not have been in so much shit...if he hadn't named his kids..."sodom and gomorrah" . 

the story of antler mchoof continues...

antler mchoof and wife , betty...have filed for divorce...reason...lack of sodomy .

english teachers...

english teachers masturbate...efficaciously .

snarkiest dinosaur

of course , the most snarky dinosaur...was the go-fuck-yourself-a-sauras-rex .

women that don't turn you on

a girl sasquatch has bigger tits than feet...and if she chases you down a hill...her tits will bash her in the face and you will get away.

religion and "texas chainsaw massacre"

the difference between religion and "the texas chainsaw massacre"...religion doesn't need gasoline to get it started .

my favorite song

my favorite song??? "there is a sasquatch in toronto" .

compromise...

never compromise...unless there is something in it for you .

get that fucking werewolf...

get that fucking werewolf out of my kitchen .

if by sorry...

if by..."sorry"...you mean..."go fuck yourself"...then i am absolutely sorry".

saved ???

"saved" in church ??? depends...is getting post traumatic stress being saved ???

the owl within

there is an owl within us all...but who really gives a hoot .

in our world...

in our world...liars are disdained...but good liars are worshiped .

swollen blood cells

maybe if we take all my swollen blood cells...and inject them into my penis...things will be fantastic !!!

sasquatch in sneakers...

i saw a movie about a sasquatch wearing sneakers...i mean...where would he get sneakers anyway ???

going crazy...

i thought i was going crazy...but now i think it's just in my mind .

my favorite shakespeare qote is...

my favorite shakespeare quote is..."hi , my name is william ".

everything you can imagine is out there somewhere...

everything you can imagine is out there somewhere...especially if you have no imagination .

good intentions...

the thing about good intentions...is that they can hide your bad ones .

flying rat reunion concert

"flying rat" reunion...rat billy : "i got some serious shit on the other "rats"...they fuckin' well better want a reunion !!!"

it's not that...

it's not that we are living in a post thinking society that bothers me...it's that we are living in a post thinking bothersome thingie.

sperm sample

i am just not sure why my gardener needed a sperm sample .

world peace

world peace would be like masturbating in the dark...you never see it coming .

texas chainsaw massacre

last night i watched "the texas chainsaw massacre" ...you know...just to see how the other half lives .

fucking up your life

better start fucking up your life before someone does it for you .