cutting off your feet...

if you didn't want someone to take your socks...then why did you cut off your feet ???

socks for your ass...

my new invention...socks for your ass .

girl stimulates in between...

i knew this girl that wasn't very stimulating drunk or sober...but she sure was stimulating in between .

werewolves in church...

it was a great church service...but what were the werewolves doing smoking dope behind the organ ???

anger management...

i bought my father a book on anger management...he beat the shit out of me . 

misplaced stuff...

better to misplace your youth than your nuts .

shit-eater

i was tired of seeing teenagers rebel for no particular reason...so i named my boy...SHIT-EATER .

adultery...

my wife told me she was going to commit adultery...i told her..."good...you need the practice " .

olympic dog paddling...

olympic dog paddling...probably should not have been referred to as doggie style .

misplaced nuts...

better to misplace your heart than your nuts .

the devil

next time you feel compelled to say to someone..."you look like the devil"...remember...the devil has feelings too .

hissing and scratching...

MY POCKET PUSSY HISSED AT AND SCRATCHED MY DOG .

your place in heaven...

Your place in Heaven will be determined by how many free coffees you earn at your local coffee shop .

oral sex...

One amoeba says to the other...i'll tell you why we can't  have oral sex...i don't have a fucking mouth , that's why .

the ass hole of ignorance...

the ass hole of ignorance and rage will surely be licked by the tongue of fearfulness and despair .

don't lick the ass of the bear of self righteousness...

Do not lick the ass of the bear of self righteousness...nor goose the swan of arrogance .

sucking the cock of the sea bass of self righteousness ...

so they all gathered around the campfire...and bill said..." that was fires burning...and now for my next number...sucking the cock of the sea bass of self righteousness " .

ameoba

One amoeba says to the other...i'll tell you why we can't  have oral sex...i don't have a fucking mouth , that's why .

beat yourself...

i don't go to church...because there is a far better way to beat yourself .

amoeba and oral sex...

One amoeba says to the other...i'll tell you why we can't  have oral sex...i don't have a fucking mouth , that's why .

one boa constrictor...

one boa constrictor says to the other.."you swallowed the priest ??? doesn't that religious shit fuck up your digestive system ??? ""

the loch ness monster

it doesn't matter if we believe in the loch ness monster...what really matters is that he believes in himself

meat lovers pizza

they didn't have a meat lovers pizza...so i bought one with salami...pepperoni...ham...hamburger and bacon instead . 

the truth will...

the truth will set you free...right after it kicks you in the nuts .

shit-ology

i hate shit...but i love turds.

chicken...

before you think that chicken is great...try to fuck one .

soul for a bowl of soup

not only did what's-his-face sell his soul for a bowl of soup...but someone pisses in the soup as well .

never betray...

Never betray someone who loves you . You know , unless you get at least 10 dollars .