becoming a man...

you are not a man...until you can make your vagina whistle "the star spangled banner" .

mating sasquatch...

if you ever get to watch sasquatch mate...that makes you a unique and special person...but god only knows why .

THE POPE...

UNTIL THE POPE STANDS IN FRONT OF THE VATICAN CITY AND DECLARES THAT "POCKET PUSSY" IS THE GREATEST THING THIS "VATICAN 2" ALLOWED PEOPLE TO READ THE BIBLE IN ENGLISH...COUNT ME THE FUCK OUT .

ME CACK

ME CACK DON'T WORK LIKE IT USED TO...BUT THAT'S O.K...PEOPLE CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES .

murder 101...

I ASKED MY FATHER IF HE WAS GOING TO MURDER ME...HE SAID THAT IF I EVER SAID SOMETHING SO STUPID AGAIN...HE WOULD CHOP OFF MY HEAD .

CLEANING AN ASS...

IT IS EASIER TO CLEAN AN ASS THAN IT IS TO CLEAN A HEART .

eyes

tell her she has beautiful eyes...sure....but never ask her where she got them .

horse with one leg...

i bet on the horse with one leg...because he had passion in his eyes .

rest in peace

walking through the graveyard...i couldn't help but notice how many people were named "rest in peace" .

oral sex

I dreamed that every time I went to have oral sex with my wife...her mouth fell off .

peaceful demonstration...

there is nothing more violent than a peaceful demonstration .

the world...

the world is a wonderful place...or not .

when i see god...

when i see god...the first thing i will say is..." i fixed the lottery...but i did not steal the duck " .

resolve shit in middle east...

there is only one thing that can resolve all the violence in the middle east...mandatory compulsive masturbation .

mood for sex...

if your wife isn't in the mood for sex...just offer her 10 dollars .

my manager says...

my manager says...i don't make enough bull shit promises .

churches

i heard that over 100 churches close in canada every year...and you said there is no god ???

MY FAVORITE HOLY BOOK...

MY FAVORITE HOLY BOOK...HARRY POTTER

bugs bunny...

IS BUGS BUNNY A MAJOR OR MINOR PROPHET ???

sex before marriage

the minister said that he doesn't believe in
sex before marriage...strange...i thought it
 happened all the time .

the idiots

lord...forgive me for calling those idiots...idiots .

happy birthday

happy birthday...you little slut .

civilized...

the mark of a truly civilized society...everyone lies to each other using very long words .

screwing tigers...

a boyfriend got very jealous when i referred to his girlfriend as "little tiger"...i guess he knew of my history of fucking tigers .

turtles...

turtles get reincarnated...as soup .

happy father's day

you may be an ass hole...but at least i got a big dick out of the deal .

elevator blues

do you know what kind of people hold the elevator open for themselves as long as so desire ??? the kind who think nobody is looking .