MY COW SCREWED ...

AFTER MY COW SCREWED MY BULL...SHE GAVE HIM A GLASS OF MILK .

ALIENS AND HOCKEY...

MAYBE THE ALIENS ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THEY CAN BEAT US AT HOCKEY .

LET US ALL MARRY OUR MOTHERS...AND GIVE THE ALIENS A GOOD LAUGH .

WHY DON'T PEOPLE GO CRAZY WITH POWER ??? LACK OF OPPORTUNITY .

HORSES...

PEOPLE SPEND THE FIRST PART OF THEIR LIVES..." BACKING THE WRONG HORSE "...AND THE SECOND PART...HATING HORSES .

FREDDY FENDER...

EVER SINCE FREDDY FENDER DIED...THE WORLD HAS BEEN GOING TO SHIT .

ODE TO A FORGETFUL CLERGYMAN...

I ASKED MY CONGREGATION WHERE MY BOOK OF SERMONS WAS...THEY SAID..."RIGHT ON TOP OF YOUR POCKET PUSSY "...I SAID...THANK YOU .

THE BEARS...

AT THE RELIGIOUS CAMP...THERE WAS NO MASTURBATING ALLOWED...SO EVERYONE SCREWED THE BEARS .

IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME...

IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME...CAN I HAVE MY BEER BACK ???

SELL SOUL TO DEVIL...

IF YOU EVER SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL...MAKE SURE YOU GET THE BONUS BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN...THEY CONVENIENTLY FORGET TO TELL YOU IF YOU DON'T ASK .

SIDE ORDER OF SHIT...

LIFE IS BEST SERVED WITH A SIDE ORDER OF SHIT...IT HELPS YOU TO APPRECIATE THE EGGS SO MUCH MORE .

SASQUATCH PORN...

I  RENTED A SASQUATCH PORNO MOVIE...I NOW KNOW HOW TO SAY..."LET'S FUCK"...IN SASQUATCH .

TOAST...

A BRAIN TUMOR CAN MAKE THINGS SMELL LIKE TOAST...TOAST CAN ALSO MAKE THINGS SMELL LIKE TOAST .

MOTHER...

A GOOD MOTHER IS THERE TO FUCK UP YOUR LIFE WITH GREAT INTENTIONS .

RELIGION SUCKS...WRITTEN...FEBRUARY...2014

JUST FOR THE RECORD...THERE IS QUITE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RAISING A CHILD...AND TEARING HIM APART .

IF THE DIFFERENCE IS NOT SEEN...SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG .

BOX JELLYFISH

THEY KEEP US AWAY FROM THE BOX JELLYFISH...SO WE DON'T EAT THEM ALIVE .

THE GRAVE...

THE LONGER SOMEONE IS IN THE GRAVE...THE EASIER IT IS TO LOVE THEM .

THE WAY TO HEAVEN...

THE ONLY WAY TO HEAVEN...POINT OUT AND IDENTIFY ALL SPANIELS .

YODA...

MY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO SEE YODA...NAKED .

DEAD BUNNY...

WHY IS THERE A DEAD BUNNY IN THE MIDDLE OF"THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED" .

ASS HOLE

BILLY HAD ONE HOMOSEXUAL EXPERIENCE IN HIS LIFE...AND THE GUY TURNED OUT TO BE AN ASS HOLE .

WEREWOLF BLOOD

IF YOU INJECT YOURSELF WITH WEREWOLF BLOOD...PEOPLE MAY THINK YOU HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM .

READY FOR THE 80'S

THE 80'S...WERE A GATEWAY DRUG TO THE 90'S .