cat lady...

i wonder where you go to school to learn how to be a cat lady ???

religious people...

religious people do not drink...because they are too busy beating their wives .

bin ladin

for all you people who believe people should repress their homosexuality...i have two words for you...bin ladin .

i swear...

i swear to never name a corgi cory...an elephant elli...an alligator...al...or a tarantula...terry .  

boss hogg

maybe boss hogg...is the greatest philosopher who ever lived .

going to heaven

the first thing i am going to do when i get to heaven...is get drunk and screw .

choose...

choose your friends carefully...and the lubricant you use to masturbate with...even more carefully .

fun

the main thing in life is to have fun...and if i find myself not having fun...i inflict physical pain upon myself until i start having fun again .

bizarre twist of irony

in a bizarre twist of irony...men love women...who suck in bed .

playing with your nuts

did you even wonder how many clergymen play with their nuts behind the podium ???

an exorcism

an exorcism without throwing up pea soup...is like sex without an orgasm .

serious

i told a friend that he took life too seriously...he took what i said very seriously...i'm not sure if that is good or bad .

don't take shit...

don't take shit from anyone...unless it has mustard on it .

moses parting the red sea...

moses may have parted the red sea...but you should see me fart in the bubble bath .

oral sex...

oral sex is better than regular sex...because you don't have to listen to anyone talk .

your coffee

never stir your coffee with your penis...trust me .

suckers

if there is a sucker born every second...then suckers must be doing more screwing then sucking .

dinosaurs

dinosaurs are interesting...and the less sex you are having...the more interesting they become .

retarded

i think people who are not politically correct...are retarded .

yoda

i would like to hang out with yoda...but not just to see him naked...but that's part of it though...a big part .

obese cats

any ass hole can find it deep within to support starving cats...we got a new swing on the situation...that is right...here at "the cat factory"...we only feed pussies five to 10 pounds overweight...all the other cats can go fuck themselves...in the year 2012...obese cats rule !!!

too busy

if you are too busy to stick a flag into a turd and drive it around the toilet bowl a couple times...then you are just too busy . 

evil spirit

i once knew a man who had a dog named spirit...when he was bad...he would say..."evil spirit"...and cast him out .