affectionate dog

this dog jumped on me and began to lick...his master said..."he loves people too much"...i replied..."good...he has to make up for the rest of us".

chips !!!

"flying rats" to give out free chips to immediate families of concert victims .

flying rat concert

three people trampled to death at "flying rat" concert .

gas pumps

people are a lot more self serving than gas pumps...especially the non-self serving ones . 

wet my pants...

the last time i wet my pants...i drowned .

shit eater

if you don't want your dog to eat shit...don't name him..."shiteater".

steak sauce

now i know why my marriage went to shit...wrong steak sauce .

life is like a toaster...

life is like a toaster...but i am not sure why .

if i were an alien...

if i were an alien...i would max out my credit card...then fuck off .

the great thing

there is nothing greater than that thing...you know...that great thing...the one that's so great .

...your inner carabou...

sex is so much better with your inner caribou between you and your metaphoric moose .

nobody left to blame...

when there is nobody left to blame...your cat is in for a big fucking surprise .

self defence

sometimes people try to defend themselves in count...thinking that once truth comes to the light...all will be fine...they never make that fucking mistake again .

a friend...

a friend is to cover your ass...not to draw a target on it .

big

how big must something be...before it starts getting small again ???

your vagina

do not point your finger at people...point it up your vagina instead .

how did batman...

how did bat man beat superman??? he gave him syphilis .

fuck the duck

name your duck...fuck...it's just easier to tell it to fuck off that way .

moses may have parted the red sea...

moses may have parted the red sea...but can he make the bubbles in the bubble bath get really foamy ???