THE TRADITIONAL TIE

we always got father a tie
for christmas...

each year
a little bit uglier
than the year before

SEA MONSTERS

it is the human condition
to believe that
when someone does something we don't like
it is wrong
but when we do it
it is right

and this is why
we have sea monsters

BEING THANKFUL

as the plane was going down
jacob decided to be positive
and said to himself
"at least the car is safe
in the garage
my wife will never figure out
that i fucked around
and gee , these potato chips
are so fucking good"
...and that's about it

jacob had nothing else to be thankful for 

GO FUCKYOURSELF...

we all remember the day...when mr. and mrs . FUCKYOURSELF...decided to name their kid...GO !!!

SHIT CRACKERS , THE DOG

i have a dog named SHITCRACKERS
and every time i go to church with him
the minister gives him a good swift boot
just because of his name

personally , i think
he is jealous

BATMAN AND ROBIN AND DRUGS

 dreamed that i was "batman"
the thing is , however
every time the bat light shined
"robin" was really fucked up
on designer drugs
having sex with some other young super hero
who's name i could never pronounce  
he would run to the bat mobile completely naked
throwing up on the way
as for me , "batman" 
i would just light up a smoke
then call "iron man"  
or someone like that 

AUGUST 1986

back in august 1986
i did something that  quite possibly
nobody has ever done
that being
i took a bunch of kids camping
in the middle of the woods
you know
miles in from nowhere
and all that shit
then i ordered out for pizza 

oh , yes , and one submarine sandwich