...vampires...

vampires...because werewolves get hair in your prick .

...favourite group...

...johnny fuck and the offs .

...thank you...

...thank you for the sunshine...and the blowjob .

out of your ass...

...make sure what comes out of your heart...is not the same as what comes out of your ass .

fuck off...

fuck off...the new " i love you " .

...bad intentions .

circumcise the foreskin of your bad intentions .

ass hole...

once you save someones life...and they call you names...it really opens up your ass hole .

the rat in church...

last night i saw a rat run into a church...i hope they don't fuck him up too badly .

...what about the bats ???

do bats block the doorway at your church ???

measure your ejaculation...

measure your ejaculation by your smile and not the distance .

...bad days ahead for the yeti man...

if i were bigfoot...i would build a flying saucer and get the fuck out of here...you know , for obvious reasons .

IRONY...and a bear...

the irony is...from a certain perspective...if you fuck a bear...you will be a hero .

the simpsons

so the politician got in front of everyone
and gave this fucking speech
about a better tomorrow
and all this shit
...then came the question and answer
portion of the program
...this fellow says
and i quote :
"seriously
what would you rather be doing
speaking to us
or sitting at home
watching " the simpson's" ???
he scratched his ass
got out of his chair 
and walked out the door

...a bunch of kids...

this bunch of kids
were wearing pink shirts that read
" don't bully , be nice "
or something like that
anyway
it was all very sweet
until they took out their brass knuckles
their clubs
and other such stuff
and began to beat the shit
out of this little el-bino  fellow
probably gay and with a lisp
i would have helped
but my viagra was kicking in  

do the math...

if you have eleven..and you spend 13...you are two in shit...simple !!!

there was this cafe...

there was this cafe
across the street from where i lived
they would give me free breakfast at this cafe
thing is
i would have to adide by their dress coad
which was
pretty simple to abide by actually
a bath robe and a pair of slippers
that is it
no more
no less
and the breakfast was great

the lock ness monster...

And the boy declared 
"There is no fucking loch ness monster
and even if there is
i bet you he is 
a fag"

completely unaware
that just a few feet behind him
gazed two angry eyes .

welcome...

welcome to planet earth
we judge way too fast
and will fuck you up for no particular reason
but you will love
our pizza
and our
outdoor sports facilities

...this fellow i know...

this fellow i know
has given blood over 200 times
they have given him an award
a plaque of some sort or another
a celebration
all kinds of shit
thing is
for as long as i
have know him
he has pleaded with these people
to give him a sandwich
that is all he fucking wants

and he has never got one

before you blow up a planet...

before you blow up a planet
even if it is full of nothing but fuck-heads
remember
stay sober
it not only makes the decision
more justifiable
if the authorities decide not to mind
their own fucking business  
but it helps you to aim too
that is to say
why waste any gamma rays
if you don't have to ???